Choosing to date your friend's ex can be tough. In fact, some people choose to never date a friend's ex. However, sometimes you can't ignore the chemistry between two people. If you do decide to date a friend's ex, it's important to do so carefully so you don't sacrifice your friendship. Here are a few guidelines that can help you walk the thin line of dating your friend's ex successfully.
Talk to Your Friend
If you're going to date your friend's ex, you don't want your friend to find out about it through the grapevine. Take the time to talk to your friend. If your friend feels uncomfortable about it, you may want to give it some time before dating the ex to avoid losing the friendship. Even if you're friend isn't comfortable with you dating his or her ex, at least you were up front about your feelings. However, remember there's a good chance that the relationship with your friend will probably change.
When you're dating, it's easy to assume that what is shared with you will be shared with your new partner. However, your friend might not be comfortable telling you things in confidence if you're going to share those details with the ex. You also need to avoid gossiping about your love life with your friend. Your friend doesn't want to hear all about your love life when you're talking about his or her ex.
Be Respectful About Boundaries
Your friend may not want to hang out with her ex, so don't pressure your friend to go to parties or other events. On the other hand, never assume that your friend doesn't want to be invited. Let you're your friend and your new date decide how much they want to be around each other. You can still have relationships with both without the two needing to hang out with each other.
Skip the Trash Talk
Don't insult or belittle your friend or your partner to the other. If you're going to keep both relationships healthy, you need to avoid taking sides or making one person look like the bad guy. When you need to vent about your friend or partner, it's better to talk to a neutral party.
Don't Give in to Paranoia
The fastest way to ruin your new relationship is to be paranoid that your friend and your new partner still have feelings for each other. Constantly trying to see reassurance that your partner likes you more won't help your relationship. If you start trying to control your friend and partner, keeping them away from one another, you'll doom the relationship. Keep your insecurity and jealousy under control and avoid being paranoid if you're going to date your friend's ex successfully.
Never Make Comparisons
It's probably tempting to ask your new partner if you're smarter or more attractive than his or her ex. Avoid this temptation. You don't want to ask your partner to make comparisons, particularly if you're being compared with your friend. Remember, you're not competing with your friend. If your partner makes comparisons, stop your partner and make it clear that you're not interested in comparisons - you're only concerned about the two of you in the relationships now.
Don't Dig into the Previous Relationship
While you may be tempted to ask your partner or your friend about what happened in the relationship, don't dig into the previous relationship. Sure, you don't want to make the same mistakes, but you need to leave that relationship between the two of them. If your friend or your new partner wants to share details, it's okay, but don't push them to divulge information about the relationship.
Although it is possible to walk the thin line of dating your friend's ex, there are a few time when your friend's ex should be off limits. If your friend's ex cheated, lied, or abused your friend, you should definitely avoid the ex for your own good.